The Fog Report - Knott's Scary Farm 2023

November 05, 2023 in haunts

Happy Halloween! Or, er, happy Guy Fawkes’ Day? Now this is odd… I must’ve gotten lost in the fog. That, or I just had a lot to do this year, to the point where October was over before I’d had a chance to finish this write-up. Such is life sometimes.

Even so, I saw plenty of other lanterns in the gloom this year - seems like a lot of people attempted to emulate the Conductor’s beacon, or maybe they were looking for dark secrets in the mist? After all, it’s been 50 years since Knott’s Scary Farm (or Halloween Haunt, as it started) first appeared, and there were secrets aplenty to uncover.

I’ve covered Scary Farm on the Fog Report multiple times now, even to the degree that last year it was my only blog post about the season. While I still feel like my ability to cover various October events is still limited to what it once was in 2019, I’ll chalk my lack of coverage to my time spent preparing for Midnight Marinara’s 10-year anniversary finale. It would not feel right if I didn’t at least discuss one of my all-time favorites, and the event that I used to first step into the fog ten years ago.

The Event

Knott’s Scary Farm celebrated it’s 50th year, and naturally they reveled in their nostalgia and brought many classic elements out of the murky past while still pushing forward with sinister new attractions. No one rested on their laurels as far as I can tell, as this golden anniversary brought with it an excellent roster of 10 mazes, 5 scare zones, the usual ride overlays of the Log Ride and the Calico Mine Ride, and 4 shows. The Into the Fog art gallery was joined by an impressive Legacy Store offering anniversary merchandise and archived props and memorabilia, and interactive elements were hidden all throughout the event

One of the major selling points this year (and a hot one at that, as they sold out completely at least once) was the Conductor’s Lantern. These neat little artifacts were all set up to unlock triggered events all across Scary Farm, from the mazes to the scare zones to even a few of the shows. Those carrying a lantern might have seen its light change colors in certain areas, flicker and dim and brighten on their own volition, and cause show elements to activate while exploring; one example being a garden mausoleum in Forsaken Lake that took on a spirited mourning when a lantern was brought near. While the execution may vary, it presents something fun to deepen the experience, and on the plus side a lot of repeat guests would carry their lanterns on multiple visits. So even if you missed getting one, your odds of seeing one of the lanterns manifest something was still high as long as you were close by.

Another souvenir being tested this year was the introduction of a No-Boo Necklace. For an additional fee one can wear this to keep roaming monsters away, though it does not offer this protection in the mazes. I really like this in theory, as it gives anyone with trepidation about visiting the event a chance to, possibly, ease into it; the problem is, when the necklace was revealed at the Haunt preview event earlier this year, it was met with a chorus of boos and jeers from the crowd of Haunt enthusiasts. This product is naturally not for them, yet the attitude on display might give people who would otherwise be happy to give this a try pause for fear of being ridiculed. I sincerely hope those who get the necklace for its intended purpose found it worked out for them, and that no one gives them grief about it. I probably would have used it myself years earlier, and it likely would have gotten me into haunts sooner.

Ride Overlays

Like last year, the Log Ride and the Calico Mine Ride become the Halloween Hootenanny and the Calico Candy Mine respectively. Little if anything has actually changed with these attractions this season, which were used both day and night. I tend to skip these on visits and keep to the stuff you only get during Scary Farm, but they’re worth visiting during the day, in my opinion. Both have a fun Halloween feel to them, more whimsical than scary.

Scare Zones

The granddaddy of all theme park haunts naturally has some of the best scare zones. In my mind, these zones are more ubiquitous of Haunt than even the mazes - roaming freely around outside at night, through a dimly lit and themed environment choked with fog, as creatures and monsters prowl through the shadows. Now with the occasional lantern hot spot to make things more of a spooky scavenger hunt, there’s even more immersion in these already immersive zones.

Ghost Town Streets remains the fetid heart and soul of Scary Farm, still going strong 50 years after that first Halloween Haunt. The cursed citizens that haunt the byways among the ramshackle buildings are an incredible menagerie of old West archetypes as animal hybrids and undead creatures, many of whom are personas created by the performers themselves. Plenty have become iconic, and frequent visitors often go looking for their favorite monster in the fog to watch them terrorize (or be terrorized by them).

Nearby Forsaken Lake did not let up on the incredible atmosphere. With a slightly larger footprint and a couple surprise elements in its nightly funeral procession, the unquiet dead of the marshy graveyard continued settling into their dank little home. My hope is that we don’t see the lake reclaim the ruins anytime soon, and that they’ll continue to manifest here for years to come.

The midway of CarnEvil kept on its usual-but-appreciated shenanigans as a caulraphobic’s worst nightmare. Finding that right balance between funny, crass and scary is what these clowns do best, and no two are the same in their look or their antics. It’s still a wonder to me they can get so much mileage out of such a bright section of the park, and yet they kill it every year I’ve been. One nice addition was the roster of banners showcasing circus acts, looking akin to the posters outside of Mesmer. It’s a small thing, but the continuity is much appreciated.

The Gore-ing 20s was a big hit for me, now in its third years and really hitting its stride. Much like CarnEvil, this is a brighter scare zone than any of its neighbors, but the lost souls of Memory Lane handled this with more interaction and dialogue, making this the place to go if you want your scares peppered with storytelling. The jazz band returned on the regular, getting the whole street up and jiving; some of the ghosts rallied guests into joining in, and being part of a big creep-dance down the street as the band played “The Nightmare” by Artie Shaw reminds me why I love this event.

Meanwhile, over in Camp Snoopy, what’s old is new again. Where The Hollow once appeared was The Gauntlet, a reimagining of Scary Farm’s first scare zone beyond Ghost Town. The Gauntlet brought a fantasy/medieval theme to the area as visitors encountered the horrid residents of Helshire, a land where immortality has been achieved but at the price of no one being able to die. There were anguished peasants, warriors, knights, sorcerers and royalty looking to feed on your fear to keep the realm alive. Though the zone was light on props, it made a good first impression with its lighting (blues and purples instead of the reds and oranges of The Hollow), fog, eerie soundscape and its fantastic talent portraying horror at every strata of feudal society. I look forward to seeing how this zone evolves in the coming years.

Before I forget, it’s worth mentioning that the Conductor was not alone in his wanderings this year. The Green Witch could be found moving between the zones and commanding awe, respect and fear from the monsters. It’s good to see Sarah Marshall out enjoying herself.

The Mazes

With three new mazes joining the roster this year, the total maze count was the highest it’s been since 2013, if you don’t count the period where Special Ops: Infected occupied most of Camp Snoopy and was a unique combination of scare zone and shooting gallery. Some may disagree, but I maintain that Knott’s practice of keeping their mazes around for 3-5 years is a good thing overall. Places like Universal Studios can afford to tear down and make new mazes every season, but Scary Farm puts more overall “oomph” into their mazes knowing that they will be around for longer. There are little tweaks here and there, but for me its like coming back to relive old favorites while still being excited for the one or two that come in when the shelf life of others is done.

As always, I’ve got my personal hierarchy on hand. My opinions of a few have shifted, but it’s still just my opinion, and none of these are bad by any stretch. After doing this for nine years, I think I’ve definitely pinned down what my style is.

10 - The Chilling Chambers

Taking over Pumpkin Eater’s old stomping grounds, this is the quintessential legacy maze celebrating Scary Farm’s past. Named after the very first maze custom designed for Haunt - 1977’s “10 Chilling Chambers” - you’ll step into a cathedral that houses the remnants of the event’s history and meet their revolting Keeper, a not-so-subtle tribute to horror host Sinister Seymour who headlined the first Halloween Haunt in 1973. Passing through portals brings you to the “best bits” of years gone by, including The Asylum, The Underground, a pastiche of various clown mazes, a nod to the elegant vampire mazes, and Doll Factory.

The fact that this new maze is so low on this list might surprise you. Don’t get me wrong: getting to walk through segments of mazes I never got to experience is kind of awesome, with my standouts being The Underground, the vampire section and Doll Factory; not to mention the various fun nods and Easter eggs in between with the crypts, coffins and mask displays naming other Scary Farm mazes. What drags it down for me might be incredibly nostalgic for a lot of people, but The Asylum and Carnival of Carnivorous Clowns (or C3 as it’s often known) just come off as crude with gross-out humor, not scary. The Asylum is reliant on madhouse tropes that I think were outdated even when it came out, and the clown portion leans on scatological gags that make me roll my eyes. Do people remember the farting elephant butts wistfully?

It also feels a little strange that all maze featured (with the vampires being the sole exception) date back no later than the year 2000. I’m not sure if that was a conscious decision on the part of the designers, but I would have been interested in seeing some older mazes reinterpreted, since they have 50 years of history to work with. I still think The Chilling Chambers shows how far Scary Farm has come, and as always I think the talent working within is doing an excellent job (my heart especially goes out to the poor poo-keepers that have to hang out in the elephant room all night) but it left me feeling, er, chilled, I guess.

9 - Wax Works

This is also going to seem like a weird shift for anyone who follows this blog. I blame part of it on how often I had to walk through this maze as tour guide in last year’s Beyond the Fog, because it was frequently one of the only ones open to us during the day. I got way too familiar with its layout, and going through it this year found it feeling almost too familiar. I still think this is a fantastic maze with story, character and intense attention to detail, but I think the concept of the grisly wax museum has started to wear on me a bit. A small new scene has been added to the maze this year for some extra freshness, but in so doing undoes a wax museum gag I enjoyed in previous years.

8 - Dark Entities

The self-destruct sequence was activated for The Shroud and her infected crew, and she has been consigned to the cold void of space. I did kind of see this coming and think the timing is right for it to retire. Still, a part of me will miss it, and I’m glad I got to explore its corridors and mess with the touch pads that will no doubt cause unmitigated disaster one more time. It will be fondly remembered by this ACSEC governor (see the end photo from last year’s report).

7 - Bloodline 1842

This year brought a really surprising change: the guns are gone! Now you’ll find yourself fleeing the doomed city of Valdonia while the Daybreakers try to cover your escape from the bloodthirsty vampires. Certain parts of the maze have been reworked to better use the space once set up to arm you, and it reinforces the idea that you are escaping a township overrun. I feel bad for anyone who really enjoyed the interactive shooting aspects of this maze, but damn am I happy to be able to just breath the whole thing in and enjoy the immersion without worrying about my score. And there’s a lot to see and appreciate, from the detailed sets to the creative scares. It also solves the queue line gridlock and ensures more people are getting in faster, so in my mind it’s a win-win. I’m definitely looking forward to seeing how Bloodline continues to adjust to the change.

6 - The Depths

This maze was also consigned to a watery grave at the season’s ends. One thing I can say is it hadn.t lost any of its appeal, and still delivered on the feeling of descending into eldritch, nautical horrors. Like Wax Works, this also got a new scene, with the sometimes-used mine elevator becoming a neat little annex tunnel with optical illusions used to make the mine seem bigger and deeper than ever. Thought buried at sea, The Depths will not be forgotten.

5- The Grimoire

It’s all about timing with the Grimoire. I stated last time that one’s experience with this maze varies by what you experience, because this one feels very reliant on its show beats, even on repeat visits. The Grimoire is trying to do a lot with its story, and get it across in a way that feels organic. I genuinely applaud what it’s trying to do, but I still think it suffers from some blink-and-you’ll-miss-it moments as you’re moving through it, since some of its cues must be actor-delivered to make sense of the whole thing; if one of the characters isn’t there, it leaves a noticeable gap in the logical flow of the maze narrative. I still enjoy it, and I think most people do too, seeing how popular it is. I’m just not sure how many average guests truly get the story being told in this maze.

4 - Cinema Slasher

Who’s up for a little midnight movie marathon? There’s a Slasher of The Dark triple-feature going on at the old theater in the Boardwalk, with back-to-back screenings of Trick or Treat, Camp Gonnagetcha and Slaughterhouse! But wait… Didn’t this place burn down a few years ago? How is it still standing? And why does it seem like the movies are more, uh, 3D than normal? Oh well. At least we can go to lobby between films and grab snacks… provided we survive.

Cinema Slasher takes over where Dark Ride left off and it does not disappoint, quickly becoming a fan favorite. It manages to convey all the slasher movie tropes without having to resort to an established IP, imagining a franchise horror series that you literally walk through the screen and visit. Each section has its own vibe of slasher era as the franchise “evolves” over imagined decades, with a sorority massacre in the first film, a summer camp gone awry in the second, and a grisly warehouse of death traps ala early-2000s-horror in the third. Genuinely impressive sets make this one stand out, with legitimate “whoa” moments, and even in the theater itself the attention to detail is awesome, as between each film you step back into the space only to find it more and more decrepit.

I actually think this is an even better tribute maze to Scary Farm’s past than even The Chilling Chambers. Each film is an obvious homage to a past maze or rides, the movie posters depict other films in the franchise that are also references, and even the Slasher himself is a callback to The Dark, an overlay used in the old Kingdom of the Dinosaurs attraction in the 90s where a slasher was murdering people in the ride. You all know I’m a sucker for deep-cut continuity like that.

On a side note, I have a slight bias for the third movie. If one took a close look at the Slaughterhouse screening before you entered the film and you might have seen my breakout performance as Rip Tupman, brutally bifurcated by an industrial saw!

3 - Mesmer: Sideshow of the Mind

Mesmer remains in my Top 5 for its superb surrealism and dark carnival atmosphere. I’ve seen other haunts do circuses as clown-filled blacklight gimmicks too many times (see: the C3 section of The Chilling Chambers mentioned above), so any maze that leans more Something Wicked This Way Comes is going to feel like a breath of fresh air. Mesmer manages to be beautiful in its horror, thematic in its presentation, and still unnerving as all get out. I adore this maze, and am glad to see its influence seeming to spread into its zone just a little more this year.

2 - Room 13

From its inception, the source of the darkness haunting the Goring 20s zone has been the mysterious Devil’s Elixir, and now we finally get to trace to hooch to its source. Stepping into the Blind Tiger speakeasy (though not the one you normally see on the street - you’ll have to suspend disbelief a bit here), you end up seeing the aftermath of the Elixir’s effects on those that imbibe it as they run rampant through the Argive Hotel, slaughtering all in their path. Once you finally make it to Room 13 all will be revealed, but the answer might just make things worse.

This came very, very close to being in my Number 1 spot, and with good reason: Room 13 is a freaking vibe! I had no idea it would scratch an itch left over from the gone (but not forgotten) Dark Harbor at the Queen Mary, but it did. The whole art-deco style of the hotel is wonderfully done, with hues of gold, bronze and forest green to contrast with the glowing neon green of the elixir that shows up throughout. The place looks like you’re just walking through it in the immediate aftermath of a violent riot, and yet the tone has a more lurking menace. Extra points to the music choice, literally just a brush snare and a stand-up bass repeating ominously throughout the journey. From beginning to end, Room 13 kills it, and it may just become my absolute favorite in the future. But…

1 - Origins: The Curse of Calico

Even with how good Room 13 is, I still don’t quite have the heart to set it above Origins. Both have a near-perfect tie-ins to their respective zones, of course, and both are drenched in the kind of gloomy, thematic atmosphere I adore. Call it a bias for witches and the Old West, but Origins still holds its own with the way it showcases the tragic tale of Calico’s downfall and the mythical origins of Knott’s Scary Farm, setting only a smidge above Room 13. Even during last year’s tours it was my favorite maze to take people through, and that it holds up so well with the lights on is a testament to its design.

The Shows

Knott’s Halloween Haunt started with, primarily, a show as its headline event with Sinister Seymour. It seems only fitting that this year’s event had four different shows to keep the tradition going. I think all of the shows were worth seeing at least once this year, and each brought something fun and different to showcase.

Returning from last year, the Carnaval du Grotesque continued to impress on the Calico Mine Stage, allowing the spectacle to draw in crowds who might have simply passed it otherwise. It maintained many of the acts that made it fantastic last year, and still capped off with the death-defying Wheel of Horror act.

The surprise return of The Hanging: (Un)Cancelled caught a lot of people by unaware, including me! The decision to move the show and its universal lambasting and crude jokes to the Wagon Camp stage was a smart one, allowing only the most curmudgeonly to complain about the show’s humor since it was essentially behind a palisade wall - granted, people still complained, but Knott’s did their best. The show did a good job finding its footing, and while it still isn’t exactly my kind of show, I still respect the Hell out of its cast with their great stunt work and dedication to popping blood packs several times a night.

Dr, Cleaver Returns was a small, comedy magic show over at the Birdcage Theater, with the titular Dr. Cleaver, well, returning for some corny one-liners and bits of illusion. I appreciated the almost Vaudeville nature of the performance, and thought the cast kept the screwball energy going with aplomb. It never takes itself remotely seriously and with a breezy runtime, offers a silly reprieve from the horrors of Ghost Town.

Lastly, Monster, Music and Mayhem headlined the Walter Knott Theater and was an impressive musical ensemble and another tribute to the event’s history. The actual performance numbers were absolutely fantastic, each segment inspired by Scary Farm’s various macabre themes of the past, from Ghost Town to Jack the Ripper, the Doll Factory, Voodoo and a Hell section with some low-key risque dancing and a water curtain. All of the singers, dancers and set pieces were in top form and definitely sold the show, though in my opinion the comedy bits in between each section fell flat, again relying on crude and juvenile humor as the host “inhabited” the role of Scary Farm’s previous icons. They got laughs, but I just find the kind of comedy they’re pushing groan-inducing at best.

Final Thoughts

It’s fascinating to think that Knott’s was the progenitor of something so seemingly ubiquitous of the Halloween season as the theme park haunt, yet here it is, still kicking its way back from the grave and maintaining its status 50 years later. I’m pleased to see that the event keeps moving forward, trying new things while still at its core upholding the atmosphere I fell in love with ten years prior. That combination of innovation and tradition - the new improving the old - is what balances Scary Farm and has me coming back every year to step into the fog and into another world, dark and mysterious but so hauntingly familiar.

My hat is always off to the designers, build crew, prop sculptors, show writers, technical and lighting team and, of course, the army of monsters and performers that make Knott’s the kind of event that can last 50 years, and hopefully another 50 more. I’m already anticipating what next October will bring!

Hopefully next year, I’ll get more of a chance to look into other haunts and eerie events. Until then, don’t let the post-Halloween blues get to you too much, and I’ll see you in the fog.

The Fog Report - A Look Back at Knott's Scary Farm 2013

October 05, 2023 in haunts

Happy October, intrepid readers! Yes, it’s that time once more, where I think about spooky stuff more than usual because everyone else is too. As is frequently the case, I get pretty nostalgic around this time of year, and almost more this time around: ten years ago this month, I launched a little personal project I called Midnight Marinara to try and build myself up as a writer and sound editor, and to explore something on my own terms. Now here I am about to sunset what became a huge undertaking that brought with it more opportunities, friendships, mistakes and lessons than I ever could have imagined.

With that in mind, another first for me was also going to Knott’s Scary Farm that year. It was me taking also taking a chance on something I had been loathe to try before, and I’m glad I did. And around the same time I had a rinky-dink little blog where I was just trying to figure my post-graduate self out. I wrote something up just for fun about that first trip and stumbled upon the text of it again just recently. So before I head into the fog again this year, I thought it might be fun to share what I wrote at the time: a trip report of Halloween Haunt 2013, without any changes or edits. Warts and all.

Look for more from me soon, but for now I’ll let Past David share his thoughts from October 31st, 2013. See you in the fog!

—-

As I’ve mentioned before in a previous post, Halloween is one of my favorite times of year, and pretty much all of October has become a way for me to experience it. I’m surprised I hadn’t written a post earlier in the month, after I had gotten a chance to watch the classic silent film “Nosferatu” in a historic cemetery, accompanied by a live band. Or how I co-wrote and helped shoot a short comedy-horror film about a haunted garage.

Nope, apparently I had to wait ’til All Hallows’ Eve itself to write this, because that’s how much I care. And really, I might have had a tough time getting to a post last night as I had planned, because I ended up facing and overcoming one of my fears.

I’ve always been fairly apprehensive, nervous about handling things I don’t know. And I startle easily, often not handling surprises very well if they’re sudden. So never in a hundred years did I think I’d find myself at the Knott’s Berry Farms Halloween Haunt, wandering through the fog-thick streets of an authentic old ghost town or stumbling through mazes while ghouls and monsters leaped at me from the shadows; despite my curiosity over these events, I always thought thought I’d look on from a distance, content to hear my friends talk about the scares.

But I went last night. And I had a blast!

I probably shouldn’t have been surprised by this, but I was. Still am, actually. I spent so long dreading the effect jump scares and loud noises would have on me in this environment that I felt relieved when it wasn’t as bad as I’d made it out to be; so relieved, in fact, that it seemed to liberate me and made the whole night more enjoyable for it. Let that be a lesson to you, kids: the anticipation is almost always worse than the thing itself.

So now you know I had a good time, so I bet you’re wondering: what did I do, exactly? And what did I think of it overall?

Well rather than break down my night event-by-event, I’m going to present my opinion as the ever-popular “Top X” list, from least to most. In this case, I want to list my thoughts on the offered mazes in this format, since that was what I came to see. But I also attended a show or two, and I’ll relate my experience with those at the end.

THE MAZES

First, I should mention two mazes will not be on this list: Delirium and Uncle Willy’s Slaughter House. I opted not go go into either of these, though I’m sure they’re both good in their own way. With Delirium, I don’t much care for the grisly and grotesque themes put in there, since the maze relies on unnerving and often disgusting things to frighten, and I’m not a gore hound; similarly, the Slaughterhouse is representative of the cannibal hillbilly theme, which I find tired and uninteresting, and not very evocative of Halloween. If you’ve been to Haunt and like these two mazes, then more power to you. I just happened to skip out on them.

I did manage to get into every other maze at least once (and sometimes twice) throughout the night, and my opinion of them is as follows:

8) Endgames

A post-apocalyptic trek through blood-spattered corridors, complete with chain-link fences, weird mutants, and death metal pounding in the background. The idea is that you’re making your way to an arena while dodging the attacks of your fellow combatants, in this case a cast of ghoulish gladiators. I didn’t get a chance to really take this maze in, partly because it’s appropriately stark for the setting, and partly because the cast was really good at keeping my attention on them: one woman kept stalking me through the arena, and I was so focused on her that I barely noticed the huge monster that was supposed to dominate the center of the ring. Again, great cast, good atmosphere, but not my favorite theme. I would have liked to revisit this one if just to see more of it.

7) Pinocchio Unstrung

I knew I was in for something twisted when Pinocchio’s narration played over the queue called the Blue Fairy “that blue bitch.” Apparently, the little puppet’s been denied his wish to be a real boy, and has decided to get the flesh he wants through other means. This is a macabre jaunt through classic scenes in the story of Pinocchio, from Gepetto’s shop to the marionette theater, Pleasure Island and the belly of the sea monster (which was a really cool looking angler fish-like thing on the outside), revisited by a bunch of evil puppets and the occasional donkey-headed man. Scares were good here, and I liked the theme, though it always bothers me when there’s an air blast in a maze (the giant Mr. Punch heads that flank the entrance to Pleasure Island shoot air at you as you pass), which feels cheap and annoying. Not sure why we never saw the Blue Fairy either, who I heard was in the maze last year.

6) Dominion of the Damned

I can’t fault this one for itself, and I would have liked to visit it again when I felt like I wasn’t being rushed through it. This is a very elegant maze, Gothic in tone, filled with classic vampires. It was too dark in places to really admire the detail, but some places I was impressed by the work done to make it feel like one was traveling through some sort of art gallery or museum run by the undead. I might have placed this higher had I had chance to revisit it and take in more, but it got really packed later on that night, so as it stands this is based on my first impressions.

5) The Gunslinger’s Grave

The Red Hand Gang made a big mistake when they tried to kill a legendary Gunslinger. They didn’t do a thorough enough job, and so he’s come back to wreak is vengeance on the town that harbored them. There’s no real ghouls or ghosts in this maze, only gunmen and townsfolk either pleading for help or looking to fight. While the initial story is set up well, I get confused about who’s who and what’s what in this maze – I don’t think its very clearly conveyed which of these characters is the Gunslinger, not even at the end. To this maze’s credit, the actors try to interact with guests, being ornery and threatening, but its hard to hear them over the blaring music. I think this is one where they could tone the noise down and it could be improved.

4) Forevermore

Of all the mazes, this is the one that genuinely spooked me the most. You follow the trail of the Forevermore Killer, who tortures and kills his victims in methods based on stories of Poe. There are a lot of eerie, elaborate sets that evoke Poe’s work, the most impressive of which is a giant swinging pendulum and a pit filled with water. The atmosphere is genuinely unsettling, and because I was so taken looking at the setups and being reminded of the work of Poe, I got caught off-guard all too often by plague doctor-looking maniacs – minions of the killer, I guess. One room is frustrating in that it plays a really obnoxious screeching sound over the whole thing, nails-on-a-chalkboard level of cringe-worthy, but it dawned on me that its a reference the light-and-sound sensitivity suffered Roderick Usher from “The Fall of the House of Usher.” Nice touch.

3) Mirror, Mirror

This was actually the first maze I went into, a way to wet my feet with the Haunt experience, and I think it was the perfect way to start my evening. For one, its literally a maze: a seemingly endless array of mirrors and arched doorways that look like mirrors. One gets disoriented and lost very quickly, and soon enough silent specters with gold harlequin masks loom out of nowhere, eerie but ever outright threatening. I later learned that the walls in the maze get moved around, and that you actually cannot leave until the time is right, at which point the specters point the way through the maze and guide you out, perhaps before you too are trapped like the,. The maze is the smallest in terms of space, but it feels massive in scope. I love it.

2) Black Magic

I’m a sucker for a cool setup, and this one is fantastic: Harry Houdini’s ghost has finally been contacted in a seance, held in an Art Deco theater on Halloween night. But he’s none too happy about his rest being disturbed, and he brings a posse of dead magicians and performers with him to torment the living. From the outset, this maze is well done in all faucets. The tropes of stage magic and illusion run rampant through the maze, from a knife-throwing act gone wrong to a set of spiked walls closing in; and the cast for it is top-notch and always in character – many of whom show obvious signs of how their failed stunts killed them. One woman in a Venetian long-nosed mask seemed to take great delight in playing with me, and actually followed me outside to continue threatening/poking fun at me with a knife, which I repaid in kind by interacting with her. Fantastically done, and I hope it returns next year.

1) Trick or Treat

This is the epitome of what I want in a Halloween maze, and it delivers. The premise is simple: Halloween night, you ring the doorbell of a witch’s house and step inside. And once inside, I was blown away by the staggering amount of scenic detail. The front room of the house alone is a feast for the eyes, with its multitudes of glowing jack-o’-lanterns sitting on the staircase and the hall running past an open closet, stuffed with shirts and coats, where you just know something is going to jump out at you. This one is a bit lite on scares (though I mean no disrespect to the Tricksters, the witch’s minions that add to the fun with their undead faces hid behind dime store Halloween masks, who never failed to make me jump) but that doesn’t bother me, because the immersion is so superb. It really feels like you’ve stepped into a haunted house on Halloween, and that in itself is key; to me, it evokes the spirit of All Hallows that is so often missing from other events. It captures the fear and the delight, the magic and terror, of the night when the veil between worlds is thin. Easily my favorite maze, hands down.

In addition to the mazes above, I also got to see a show or two. Elvira’s Sinema Seance had all the camp you’d expect from the Mistress of the Dark, and it’s good to finally see the woman herself live on stage, a great performer who puts on a grand show.

Speaking of performances, Blood Drums got me pumped. Excellent percussion on seemingly simple objects, and a good use of sanders and sparks to add character.

Finally, I ended my night with Carny Trash at the historic Birdcage Theater. This was a small show, put on by one talented old barker with a curled mustache that would put Dustin Hoffman’s fuzz in Hook to shame. I ended up being a volunteer from the audience, and for the whole show he performed all sorts of fun sideshow-style tricks with me as one of his sucke– I mean, helpers.

In the end, I already look forward to next year’s Haunt, and am glad I faced my fears head-on and discovered how fun and exciting such an event can be. But alas, I must go. Halloween night is coming, and I’ve got a party to run.

Happy Samhain, everyone!

The Fog Report - Knott's Scary Farm and Beyond the Fog 2022

October 10, 2022 in haunts

What’s that you see, intrepid readers? A bobbing light in the dense fog? Don’t worry, it’s just me. Good thing you checked, though… It could easily have been that sinister Conductor I’ve seen roaming the misty byways. Seems we both have a thing for old oil lamps.

Either way, now that I’ve found you again, I’m happy to welcome you back to the Fog Report! Needless to say the last two years have kept me from truly delving into the Halloween scene as I’d like, and I’m sure many of you would agree we had more, er, widespread issues to deal with. Now with the fog’s return to the SoCal area in force, I’m heading back into the murk and reviving this blog to give my two cents on various eerie presentations October has to offer. And where better to start than with the originator of the theme park haunted event, Knott’s Scary Farm.

The Event

As stated in my last Scary Farm report from 3(!) years hence - which is still a good primer for the uninitiated - Knott’s has been presenting a seasonal Halloween Haunt since 1973, growing from a 3-night experience in that experimental first year to a juggernaut cavalcade from late September to Halloween night, still holding its own in the industry it helped create nearly 50 years later. Even when the pandemic shut things down in 2020, Knott’s found a way to keep the atmosphere going with their Taste of Fall-o-ween, which allowed visitors to wander a decorated park and sample different food fair without the scares, all while safety measures such as mandatory mask-wearing and social distancing were enforced. 2021 saw Scary Farm proper manifest again, its mazes and monsters and fog back for all to see.

This year brings us back to 9 mazes, 5 scare zones, 2 ride overlays, 3 live shows and an art gallery. Not to mention many of the park’s rides and roller coasters are also running. There’s a lot of options! Rarely is it daunting, in my opinion, and as before my advice is to know what you want to do before you go. I’ve found going on a Thursday or Sunday tends to help alleviate the crowds and, if you play your cards right, you should be able to experience most of what the night has to offer with relative ease; if you go on a Friday or Saturday, God help you.

Things have changed a bit since my last report, which is the nature of the beast. I’ll try to keep things brief where I’ve already commented on a maze or scare zone, but there’s some new bits and pieces thrown into the mix that I’ll expound on with greater detail.

Ride Overlays

In years past this was a staple of Haunt, even back in its first year with the “Haunted Mine Ride” and “Satan’s Sawmill” taking over their respective attractions. Gone are the days when these rides would have live actors hiding in the shadows and jumping out at your transport, but they are still given a spooky makeover that work during both the day and night.

The Timber Mountain Log Ride continues to become the Halloween Hootenanny, with its more lighthearted theming of creepy creatures getting together for an All Hallows’ jamboree with the Calico Coffin Creeper band. And starting in 2021, the Calico Mine Ride receives a candy coating as the Calico Candy Mine Ride. This one has an interesting twist in its “daytime” and “nighttime” variations: mostly handled with sound and projections, the more whimsical and cute journey into the candy mine during the day transforms into a much darker and nastier story about a child-eating Pink Fairy luring youngsters to their doom at night.

In my opinion, both attractions are best reserved for later in the evening, if you’ve gone through everything else or want to get a break. I personally prioritize mazes over rides, but these two are worth a trip following everything else.

Scare Zones

It’s hard to beat the roaming monsters and chilling atmosphere of Knott’s scare zones, now increased to five since 2019. In fact, like many things at Knott’s, we have them today because of a happy accident: in 1977, Bob Vernon found himself locked out of one of Ghost Town’s “peek-ins” where the monsters originally lurked. Hiding among the normal static figures in old West tableau scenes like the assay office, barber shop and sheriff’s office, these scareactors were meant to wait for someone to look inside the meshed-in windows and then startle them. For Bob, unable to get into his spot and with team leads unable to get him a key, this meant an unorthodox change of tactics. Bob was instructed to just “wander around and scare people” until someone could open the door; this worked out so well and generated such a surprisingly positive reaction that, by the next night, all of the talent were released from the peek-ins and allowed to stalk, creep and scare any guests that passed through.

Obviously this has since spread to other haunts to great effect, but Ghost Town Streets was where it all began. For many, going down the absolutely fog-choked Main Street for the first time - appropriately named “Fog Alley” by legions of visitors and monsters alike - is something of a rite-of-passage, showcasing the (un)living history of the event as Calico’s cursed ghouls and half-human/half-animal wretches slide and slither at you from every dark corner.

Over in Camp Snoopy, The Hollow brings one last year of Colonial American terror as it prepares to fade into the shadows. This is your final chance to meet the witches, scarecrows and shades that lurk in this gloomy woodland, and is a zone I will miss dearly. Whatever replaces this next year will have a tough act to follow.

Forsaken Lake isn’t going anywhere anytime soon thankfully, and remains a standout zone in its footprint along the banks of Reflection Lake. The regularly-occurring funeral procession is a show beat that I take time out of my night’s schedule to watch every year, and I recommend you do the same if you’re a sucker for immersion like I am.

The second-longest running scare zone in Haunt history, CarnEvil populates the Boardwalk with its cavalcade of cantakerous clowns. These might be some of the hardest-working clowns in showbiz, considering their conditions of no fog and bright lights, and I still stand by my conviction that their antics are way funnier than you would expect.

2021 saw the premiere of the last scare zone. Located in the Roaring 20s area, the Gore-ing 20s is a welcome addition to the lineup. Prohibition-era undead call this place home, including mobsters, flappers, newsies, teatotalers and Temperance movement missionaries. Spend enough time here and you’ll find that many of these lost souls are chattier than usual (though they still aim to frighten and intimidate), revealing that both sides of the alcohol ban are obsessed with an eponymous “Devil’s Elixir.” in some way. Best of all? Throughout the night, a live jazz band appears on the balcony of the Walter Knott Theatre and serenades the street below, accompanied by ghostly dancers. I wouldn’t say it is as traditionally scary some of the other zones, but the tone and vibe are excellent in their own right. Well worth a sojourn.

The Into the Fog art gallery is here as well, in the Factory Store. Great original pieces inspired by Haunt and created by people involved in the event, be they designers or talent themselves. Check it out if you like!

Oh. And one final note: keep an eye out for the mysterious Conductor. He wanders freely through every scare scare zone during the night, his lantern in hand, chuckling quietly to himself as he observes what’s going on. There’s been a recent push to make him a central character, and leading into the 50th anniversary of Scary Farm, he’s going to have a much bigger role in tying the whole thing together. This nice little touch of atmosphere is hint at things to come.

The Mazes

Not to much has changed since 2019’s report on the maze front, apart from a slight shuffling of my maze preference hierarchy. Quality remains a high point for the mazes, with their presentation and their craft constantly improving to match (and, in some cases, outdo) the rest of the industry. Knott’s has a reputation to maintain at this point, being the progenitor of Halloween haunts, and while fondly-loved old mazes like Shadowlands and Paranormal Inc. have since retired, new mazes appear to fill their shoes and continue to experiment.

Keep in mind the list below represents my own personal opinion. Everyone is going to have different favorites, and if yours differ that’s absolutely fine. There is not a bad one to be found, and I like all the mazes for different reasons.

9 - Pumpkin Eater

This year is Pumpkin Eater’s swan song, as Peter and his ghoulish minions pack up with the Hollow at the end of the season. Now feels like the right time, as while I do thoroughly enjoy the creepy factor of this maze, it is getting a little long in the tooth. Still, its Halloween vibes and grotesque pumpkin imagery win me over, and it remains one of the most genuinely unsettling mazes for its great use of darkness and disturbing sounds, all enhancing the talent that hide in the shadows waiting for you.

8 - Dark Entities

This one has grown on me during its run. I’m still not big on sci-fi during haunts, but the way the story of the maze is showcased makes it an exception. The creativity here lies in its conceit of being less about aliens and more about body horror - and this is easily one of the grossest examples of that. Every year it gets a little messier, with more guts , goop and viscera coating the surfaces of this doomed spaceship. Sadly, every year it also seems like it gets less attention, partly due to its location tucked way backstage from the rest. I have a feeling Dark Entities is next on the list to retire, but I’m happy to get a couple more years out of it.

7 - Bloodline 1842

One of the two new mazes this year, Bloodline 1842 drops you into the Steampunk-inspired city of Valdonia while it is under siege. Long thought eradicated, the vampires of the Valhymphri clan have emerged from the shadows and prey on the city’s mortals. Your family, the Bellatorians, have been called on by their fellow Daybreakers to bring this menace to heel and seek out the vampire king at the dark heart of this menace.

Bloodline is a marked improvement over its predecessor Special Ops: Infected in significant ways: better story, better sets, talent that absolutely kills it as both enemy vampires and allied Daybreakers and, most importantly, big pacing fixes. Gone are the constant military shouts to keep moving, and in are portions where you and those nearby are creeping through foggy streets or archaic steam tunnels at your own volition. The natural impetus to keep moving comes from the need to avoid getting “bitten” and allowing the hidden bloodsuckers to get too close, less it effect your score. That helps a lot… and yet it’s still a shooting gallery, which is not my thing. Redressed as it is, I still feel like I can’t take the time to really absorb the maze and its atmosphere because I’m too busy trying to play this real-life FPS. It doesn’t allow me to feel properly immersed. I would much rather walk through this without a gun and get scared the old-fashioned way, because frankly the design of this maze is really really good.

I’m definitely the odd man out here, as this will inevitably be one of the most popular mazes this year. Like I stated before, your mileage may very. I also allow it room to grow once it passes into future years.

6 - Wax Works

Dr. Scratch’s demented gallery of sculpted art is easily one of the most gross and disturbing mazes of the bunch - a hallmark of designer Daniel Miller’s work. Normally, overt and gratuitous displays of gore turn me off to a maze. Yet Wax Works impressed me with not only making the carnage make sense in context, but making it actually seem like someone’s twisted art in a disturbingly believable way. I suppose my aversion to gore is cheap gore, slapped up on most haunts because “blood and guts are scary.;” its all about intention, and Wax Works delivers.

5 - The Depths

Everything about this ocean-based nightmare is as strong as ever. Like Dark Entities, this feels like its getting near the end of its Haunt shelf life, though unlike Entities it seems to be holding up a little better to the wear and tear of repeat seasons. The larger-than-life vibe of many of these scenes makes it a winner, with segments like the “laser lake” of the Temple Courtyard and the rocking pirate ship near the end sufficiently keeping this a fan-favorite.

4 - Dark Ride

It’s time for one last ride, as sadly this delightful concept is about to retire. I’m seriously gonna miss it, its simple premise of walking around and through what seems like a once-functional carnival spookhouse executed stunningly. Getting the thing to feel both cheesy and well put together is a feat, and it’s obvious more effort was put into this dark ride than the ones you might see pop up at other county fairs, even with the intention to make it feel dated. Do not miss this one. Seriously. Final chance.

3 - The Grimoire

The second of the two new mazes. What starts as a peaceful summer camp out in the 1980s turns into pandemonium when three teenagers find an ancient book in an old tree house and make the mistake of reading it aloud. Now you’re stumbling back through time as echoes of the book’s corruption throughout history manifest as chapters, revealed in black and white. When (or if) you make it back to the present, can you escape the campground before your own soul becomes ensnared in the Grimoire’s pages?

The Grimoire might be one of Knott’s most ambitious mazes in terms of storytelling. Unlike other mazes where what its themes and stories are can be neatly summed up or conveyed through understood tropes, Grimoire is trying to spin a much more complicated yarn. The more nitty-gritty bits are told through queue-line videos and a show beat near the beginning not unlike Paranormal Inc. in seasons past, while the rest is done through color, visual and audio cues. While I personally think the conveyance works, and works very well, I understand that many guests have gone through this maze and come out the other side saying “I don’t get it.”

The tricky thing to figure out is twofold: pacing, as conveying the story requires a little bit of a stopgap, which leads to long wait times for this maze; and presentation, as sometimes missing or passing a specific beat in the maze will mean not grasping a certain through-line. Without spoiling anything major, it took a few trips for even me to realize how one thing near the end was connected to some beats earlier, which again was very exciting but took those repeated walkthroughs.

Time will tell how well this maze is received. So far, it seems to be right up there with Bloodline as one of the most popular, but that might simply be on account of its newness. I myself applaud the designers and build team for making something with this level of care, and hope this experiment continues. I want them to keep pushing the envelope in terms of immersion and seeing how to best execute high concepts like this.

2 - Mesmer: Sideshow of the Mind

A Dust Bowl-era carnival sideshow has laid stakes near the Boardwalk, and its mysterious ringmaster, Phineas Mesmer, invites you to explore a hypnotic realm between life and death. See, Mesmer has learned a disturbing secret with his technique: putting his subjects in a trance just before their lives end, keeping their souls trapped between their bodies and the afterlife. You’ll pass through the purgatories of the other carnies that have fallen prey to Mesmer’s control, all while trying to keep your own mind from shattering.

Mesmer kicked off last year and came out swinging. Beautifully surreal, the whole thing is a circus-themed trip through abstract environments and dreamlike realms inspired by freak show acts. I’ve never seen a maze quite like this, so committed to the notion that you are in a hypnotic trance, the constant whisper of Mesmer’s voice nearby as surprise after surprise looms: the simplest way I can describe this maze is like walking through a nightmare, albeit a gorgeous one. It never feels as intense as some of the other mazes, which makes sense in that it occupies the same footprint Shadowlands once had. And that’s not a bad thing.

1 - Origins: The Curse of Calico

Still unshaken from its perch as my favorite maze, Origins is my perfect maze. It tells a story with heavy, heavy atmosphere, it’s full of winks and nods to the rich history of Ghost Town and Scary Farm, and it ties everything together into one immersive package. I didn’t even have to do much soul-searching to keep this one on the top of my list either. It just rules! I hope we get to keep Origins for as long as possible - after all, Sarah Marshall needs a home.

The Shows

As mentioned before, shows have never been at the top of my list of things to do at Haunt, but I am glad they are available. The much-loved (or loathed, depending on who you are) annual presentation of The Hanging came to an end in 2019, and it seems doubtful the screwball skewering of popular figures and trends will ever return. Shows like Puppet Up: Uncensored keep the raunchy and ludicrous puppet improv going at the Walter Knott, and Conjurers - Dark Magic continues to showcase acts of prestidigitation in the Birdcage Theater with some spooky and funny atmosphere. But the newest show is what has taken up residence on the Calico Mine Stage where The Hanging used to take place.

Carnaval du Grotesque is a genuinely entertaining collection of dancing and circus acts, similar to the spirit of Elvira’s many shows done at Scary Farm in the past. While the pair of MCs for the circus throw some humorous banter and charming wit in between acts, this show is all about genuine spectacle, watching things like a hair-ialist, a fire eater, an expert balancer on stacked chairs and even an acrobat inside a spinning “Wheel of Horror.” The show’s outdoor venue means it can be viewed for a moment in passing and from a distance, or joined and stuck with for as long as there’s room in the throng of onlookers. It’s a sight to see, for sure. I’m glad I stopped to take it all in, and am glad to see these talented individuals getting the spotlight out in the open.

Final Thoughts & Beyond the Fog

If there’s any sign that the Haunt industry is recovering, look to the progenitor. Knott’s Scary Farm appears to be bouncing back well from losing a year in 2020, and shows no signs of slowing as it picks up where it left off. They continue to create and maintain one of the best haunted attractions I’ve ever been to, and as of yet nothing else holds candle to it. I’ll come back every year I can, and am excited to see what is in store to commemorate Scary Farm’s 50th in 2023.

But… Speaking of innovations, Knott’s does have one more eerie event this year. For the first time, a behind-the-screams daytime tour is being offered with Beyond the Fog, a 3-hour tour into the history of Scary Farm and a detailed walk through of 3 mazes with the lights on, letting you see every little detail and get all the cool hidden gems and stories without being interrupted by monster jumpscares. I’m happy to announce that I am one of the many tour guides for Beyond the Fog this year, and it is easily one of the best jobs I’ve ever had. While I can’t necessarily guarantee you’ll end up on my tour if you book, I am part of a really excellent team who I am proud to work with.

Shameless plug aside - and I only offer that last bit because I know people who read this blog might skew toward liking it - I’ve got a few more stops to make around the area this season, if all goes well. Thanks for joining me again. And hey, if you do end up getting into one of my tours, maybe I really will see you in the fog for a change!

Knott’s Scary Farm runs Thursday through Sunday nights throughout October and Halloween night. More details and tickets can be found here, and Beyond the Fog tickets can be found here. Additional photos taken by Katie Fleming and Angela Griswold.

The Fog Report - Los Angeles Haunted Hayride 2019

October 27, 2019 in haunts

Welcome back, intrepid readers! The season is drawing to a close but that hasn’t deterred me from hitting a third haunted locale, although in this one the haze you’re walking through is less fog and more kicked-up dust. Probably has something to do with that weird-looking fairground tucked away in the trees there…

Started in 2009, the Los Angeles Haunted Hayride has taken up residence in Griffith Park, in and around the grounds of the Old LA Zoo. Already a fairly eerie place with its trails past abandoned enclosures and cages, the Hayride has consistently utilized the environment to create terrifying tableaus and vignettes, seen and experienced from a tractor-pulled trailer - something done for Halloween in many other parts of the country but a relative oddity in the big city. Though its themes have shifted and changed over the years, this year new owners Thirteenth Floor Entertainment have given the Hayride a unifying story and a setting from which to place their event: a cursed town called Midnight Falls.

Anyone who has read my last two articles about Dark Harbor and Knott’s Scary Farm (or who just knows me in general) should guess why this alone finally pulled me to the event. This was my first ever visit to the Haunted Hayride, so my expectations were not so effected by previous years; it’s all fresh eyes and raw opinion here.

The Event

Before I even get to the venue itself, can I just say how enjoyable just the walk there was? Unless you’re parked in one of the upper lots, you’ve got a little bit of a trek through a nighttime park ahead of you, and I wasn’t kidding earlier when I said this was “tucked away.” in the wilderness. The natural darkness and night noises certainly helped me get into the mood as I trudged up the path and saw the flickering orange glow in the distance.

Once you do get there, you find yourself in the town square of Midnight Falls in the midst of its 13th annual Halloween Festival, 1985. The Hayride itself, as well as three mazes, several concessions and a handful of slight-up charge escape rooms can all be accessed from here, but as a zone in itself the town square is well worth wandering around in. The roaming monsters - townsfolk who have been cursed but seem to be in good spirits - are more interactive and funny than outright scary, engaging visitors with humor and giving Midnight Falls the character of a cheesy 80s horror-comedy. Each character is an archetype of the era and each is a very distinct, from a jock werewolf to a hook-nosed Miss Midnight Falls to a snappy goblin server from the local diner (hi Reggie!), just to name a few of the myriad citizens.

This feels like a genuinely happy medium between the heavy thematic elements of Knott’s and the party atmosphere of Dark Harbor. You’re at an in-universe fair, and they play that up without it detracting from the scarier elements. It certainly evokes the spirit of a local Halloween: I spent a good chunk of my teenage years in the small mountain town of Idyllwild, and they also have (had?) a Halloween carnival, so I can say big props for reminding me of that feeling. Couple that with the amount of atmosphere and the commitment of the actors in their improv with guests and each other, and you have a nicely immersive, if tongue-in-cheek, experience.

It’s also good to know that the event is small, considering what it actually offers. The night I visited I managed to get there right around opening and was able to get through most everything in two hours. That doesn’t mean its not worth visiting, but don’t expect a marathon session like a theme park haunt.

The Hayride

As stated before, the hayride is the namesake and main draw of the event, a chance for Angelenos to board a hay wagon (and sit in real honest-to-goodness hay) and take a ride through the Old Zoo, now the outskirts and foothills of Midnight Falls. This attraction is presented as a sort of weird origin-story, demonstrating how the land fell under the Halloween hex and riders in the midst of it happening.

This is a wholly different kind of trip than one would make on foot through a maze, and is a proper ride in every sense, with each scene being staged in such a way that it only transpires as the hayride passes. The main ingredient is the live actors lurking in the dark that rush at the trailer and menace the riders, usually after a theatrical beat in a scene plays out, I’d never done anything like this before and it was honestly impressive, each scene having its fair share of startling surprises: highlights for me were a ghostly girl leaping from a cliff (possibly reenacting a suicide), a werewolf gang unleashed from some of the old animal cages, a amorous couple in a convertible being mauled by a Sasquatch, a close encounter with a ghost train, and a giant spider emerging from a stone structure.

I wasn’t able to take any picture while on the hayride, mainly out of respect for not ruining the moment and trying to present for it. Trust me when I say that even if the scenes seem a little cheesy, the fact that they’re part of this spooky hayride experience makes it fun. I actually feel like this is a decent entry point for people leery about going to a haunt, as it struck me as being less intense than being in the midst of a maze. Pro tip for first-timers: sit in the middle. The folks on the left and right get all the attention, so the heat’s off if you stick to the center.

The Mazes

As an added bonus, Midnight Falls has three mazes as part of its spooky neighborhood. Each is fairly short but exceptionally well put together for something built in the middle of Griffith Park, and I walked away from each fairly impressed.

The first maze I visited, Midnight Mortuary, takes you through the town’s funeral home, its backyard, morgue and chapel. The monsters here are a mix of the ghoulish staff and some goat-masked figures in white robes; perhaps a cult of some kind? More Victorian Gothic than grisly and gory, creative use of space and good set design are strong in this maze, and the startling finale helps put the random goat-people’s presence into perspective.

My favorite maze was definitely Trick or Treat, simulating a trip through a Midnight Falls neighborhood where every house has a resident surprise. This outdoor maze is unique because anyone visiting can actually ring the doorbells of the houses to see what wacky scare emerges. Since almost all the scares are guest-driven, the reward for courage comes when most of the monsters give you real candy! It’s a cute detail, and it really plays on the horror-camp and the tropes of Halloween: my favorite bit is the Devil-themed “home haunt” at the end that looks like some earnest kid built a strobe-light maze through their yard and garage. Big props for creativity.

Rounding out the three is Roadkill Ranch, ensuring no meat goes to waste in Midnight Falls… because if it’s good enough for your tires, it’s good enough for their fryers. While the effort was there, I’m personally very tired of the bloody Hellbilly theme for mazes as a whole, so this one did not really impress me. It did have some choice scare moments and a good strawbale layout in the back of it, making you weave through while masked ranchers hid in the dark, but I just think the trope has been done to death.

Final Thoughts

Though small in stature, the LA Haunted Hayride is big on personality and dark charm, offering a main attraction that isn’t offered anywhere nearby and a collection of scary sides to go along with it. The overarching setting of Midnight Falls is a huge boon to the event, and I hope it sticks around for the foreseeable future, along with its cast of characters. I’d love to see what they can add to it if it continues to expand.

What gives this an edge for me and makes it stick out, even from its larger competitors, is the festive quality of the Hayride. Halloween is not just the backdrop of the season here for spooky stuff, it’s positively dripping with Halloween flavor. Not many haunts actually make the holiday their front-and-center, and I’m super grateful that this does. It’s hard not to feel spirit (pun intended) of All Hallows Eve here, and I didn’t realize how much I missed that kind of vibe until I was there.

If you’re local and you can make it, the LA Haunted Hayride is worth a visit. Come kill a couple hours here and feel a bit of that Halloween magic, both terror and humor - trick and treats, if you’ll pardon the expression. And hey, if you’re not anywhere near LA, go see if anyone near you is doing a haunted hayride. It might help kindle that jack-o’-lantern flame in your soul too.

Anyway, I’ve got a lot of Midnight Falls dust to brush off my clothes. Until next time, I’ll see you in the fog.

The Los Angeles Haunted Hayride runs most nights in October and every night during the last week until November 2nd, from 7 to 10:30 or 11pm depending on the night. More details and tickets can be found here.

The Fog Report - Knott's Scary Farm 2019

October 13, 2019 in haunts

Hail and well met, intrepid readers! I can barely make you out through all this fog, but for a moment I thought you were some grisly monstrosity sliding up on all fours to spook me. This edition finds me returning to the granddaddy of all haunts, a place so choked with exhaled fog juice that I’m sure I’ve gone home with my clothes smelling faintly of the stuff for some time after.

It’s hard to picture anything that’s had the longevity of Knott’s Scary Farm, and that’s likely because it is the progenitor of these kind of events. Having started in 1973 and only upping the ante ever since, Knott’s Scary Farm transforms America’s oldest theme park into a dark haunting ground every Halloween season. It’s a first in so many ways, especially for me: I finally faced my inherent aversion to jumpscares in 2013 and crossed the threshold into haunted attractions here; from that night onward I’ve never looked back. It certainly gave me a benchmark for what a quality haunt should look like, and having survived that, made me feel brave enough to visit other events around it, immersing me in even more Halloween goodness.

I will do my best not to be biased, but I’ll be honest right away: Knott’s has consistently been my favorite of all the haunted attractions I’ve visited, and this year (so far) is no exception. I’ve already been multiple nights, and will probably go a few more. It’s hard to top what Scary Farm offers, and the offerings are good this year.

The Event

Come nightfall on select nights, Knott’s Berry Farm transforms into a murky landscape that contains nine mazes, four scare zones and several live shows. Consider that many of their rides and roller coasters are open and running during the event and there’s a lot to do here. Thankfully I’ve never found it overwhelming, but knowing what you want to prioritize before you go is definitely helpful, especially if you’re only going one night.

Meanwhile, the Timber Mountain Log Ride gets a Halloween makeover, the Halloween Hootenanny. The Scary Farm version used to have live actors hidden among the animatronics and props, but that hasn’t been the case for the past couple years, most likely due to safety concerns. Still, the ride is fun and the overlay is well-done, intended to be creepy and silly rather than scary since it also runs during the day. You will get wet, so ride at your own risk!

The Scare Zones

Moreso than any other haunt I’ve been to so far, nothing beats Knott’s in terms of its unique scare zones. One thing you will find just about everywhere is atmosphere. As I noted before when I wrote about Dark Harbor, I’m a sucker for anything that keeps a consistent theme and Scary Farm delivers. With the exception of the Dia de Los Muertos-themed dance party in Fiesta Village - which I imagine is a welcome reprieve for some who need a break from the scares - every part of the park is dripping with mood and tension, keeping the tone throughout even as the overall theme changes with each scare zone. Lighting, background ambiance and music, fog (of course there’s fog), spooky decor and, naturally, the prowling street monsters all contribute to the immersion. It does help that Knott’s utilizes the existing themes of its lands and gives them a Halloween overlay, but my hat’s off to them for eschewing the party vibe that Dark Harbor has with its exterior, because this is what I prefer.

The classic Ghost Town Streets is a mainstay of the event and the harbinger of so many haunt firsts that have since spread to other parks across the country, from the area itself to the innovation of “sliders” - monsters that glide across the ground on metal knee and elbow pads and suddenly spring up out of the fog at you. An aspect I really appreciate about this year’s Scary Farm is the commitment to an overarching story, which is something I crave at these events. Tying the Streets, the new Origins maze and Scary Farm’s icon, the Green Witch, all together is the legend of a witch hanging gone awry, leading to the town of Calico being cursed and its citizens transforming into hideous monsters or rising from the grave as wretched ghouls. You’ll find Wild West archetypes roaming the byways of the misty town, each with their own macabre transformation.

Another unique take on a scare zone comes with The Hollow over in Camp Snoopy. Haunted by scarecrows, goblins and shades dressed in Revolutionary War attire, there’s a definite Sleepy Hollow vibe to this area despite the lack of a Headless Horseman (who did occasionally appear in previous years along the Stage Coach trail). What sets this zone apart is the interactive portions, where during the night an ongoing battle between the resident coven and a group of witch hunters hits various story beats and ends with a final confrontation and the burning of a wicker man. Guests can be pulled into this conflict and can play agents for the hunters or the witches, in some cases earning small trinkets for their efforts. While the outcomes of the overall story is the same, it’s genuinely fun to have some face-to-face encounters and to play with these characters.

The newest scare zone, Forsaken Lake, enters its second year with macabre gusto and an expanded footprint. You’ll find a half-flooded cemetery full of Victorian undead and elegant Angels of Death, who every so often congregate into a funeral procession to the tune of “The Hearse Song.” This is a beautifully Gothic area and one with a lot of great talent, standing on its own among its older established peers. Even with no maze in its jurisdiction, its absolutely worth passing through or staying to watch the funeral when it happens. I know I often stop there to pay my respects.

Last but not least, CarnEvil takes over the Boardwalk. It’s all clowns here, and I know a lot of people think scary clowns are a tired attempt at scares, but these clowns are way funnier and more entertaining to watch than any other clowns I’ve seen. Well-lit as the Boardwalk is, they have to work extra hard to get the frights across, and every time I see them they go at it with a mixture of creative aplomb and genuinely funny antics. My hat’s off to them.

The Mazes

There used to be a running joke among older folks I know, people who have attended Scary Farm throughout the years, about the dubious quality of Knott’s mazes. Those days seem to be long gone, no doubt due to Knott’s hoping to keep up with its other theme park competitors, and the quality of the mazes just seems to elevate with each batch of new mazes. And it’s hard to beat the number - 9 in total, with two brand new mazes.

I certainly appreciate the way Knott’s handles its mazes each year, which stick around for 2 to 4 years at most before retiring to make room for something new. This gives them a healthy longevity without them overstaying their welcome, building anticipation for the handful newcomers each season. Interestingly, this is the first year I’ve been to Scary Farm where hasn’t been a maze I went in on my first night in 2013. My personal favorite, Trick or Treat, finally vanished last year after a staggering 7 years running!

As before, I’m running the list of mazes from least to most favorite in my humble opinion.

9. Special Ops: Infected

Now in its confirmed final year, Infected presents a different experience compared to the other mazes. You are given a electronic gun and, in something like a one-sided laser tag, are sent running through a zombie-infested city, shooting at the undead and earning points as you go. You’ll need to stay far enough away from the zombies that you don’t get take damage, and must find the source of the infection after hustling through several ruined buildings, a metro rail and a toxic sewer.

To be honest, this one has never been very high on my list from its inception. I understand the concept of being able to fight back against the monsters is exciting, and the gaming aspect definitely appeals, Infected falls flat for me for a number of reasons. Zombie apocalypse themes are an incredibly dull trope for me at this point, and it doesn’t help that I’m constantly being yelled at to move by Special Ops personnel, never giving me the time to properly take in the frankly impressive set design of the ruined city and the places you battle your way through. If you plan on doing this while at Knott’s, do it early in the night and get it done, because it also backs up very badly as the night goes on.

All of these factors come together to make it a maze I’ve never been a fan of. I’m glad this is retiring so we can see what new innovations take its place.

8. Dark Entities

You are part of a reconnaissance team teleported aboard a derelict starship to find out what happened to the crew. Naturally some alien virus has breached quarantine and is rapidly mutating the surviving life forms on the ship into grotesque abominations. Now your goal is to get back off the ship before you go down with it and its tainted cargo.

While perhaps a little on-the-nose with its homages, being a sci-fi maze with elements evoking Alien and John Carpenter’s The Thing, Dark Entities is well-designed and has memorable moments and scares. The gore factor has been turned up in the maze’s second year, with a lot more grisly details around the ship and especially in the medical bay scene, positively dripping with entrails and tendril-infested cadavers. There’s also some very impressive lighting design in Dark Entities that is utilized to give the scenes the feel of a spaceship, particularly in one corridor where a series of traveling, strobing wall lights make it feel like the lift hill in Space Mountain at Disneyland. The only reason this is as low on the list as it is comes less from its presentation and more from my general feelings about this kind of sci-fi horror.

7. Shadowlands

Japanese myths and ghost stories inspire this maze, which is also in its finale year at Scary Farm. In previous years a preshow made the case that you were on the trail of a doomed samurai whose path you followed through a shadowy afterlife, though now its a little less clear, as you simply enter a nighttime forest of hanging corpses and, from there, journey through bleak villages, shrines and temples occupied by various bakemono and evil spirits.

Shadowlands is a beautiful maze, much quieter and more subtly haunting than its neighbors, which makes the sudden scares all the more startling. I’ve really enjoyed this maze through all of its seasons, though I feel its starting to show its age. I hope this kind of low-key eerie atmosphere can be replicated in whatever comes next, because it’s fairly unique and something I feel the event needs to break up the more intense mazes. Still, Shadowlands had a good run, and it will be missed.

6. Pumpkin Eater

Tying in with the story of The Hollow, you enter a Colonial village where the murderous Peter has been wreaking havoc, having killed his wife and buried her remains in his pumpkin patch. Now transformed into a creature for his deeds thanks to the resident coven, Peter continues to haunt the ruins of the village, harvesting pumpkins (and people) to make his pies.

I think this might actually be the creepiest of the mazes. The darkness, surreal atmosphere and amount of hanging stuff you have to push through lend a nightmarish, lurking tension to the experience, and I love it. The Colonial Gothic and Halloween vibes in this maze are strong, the latter being important to me since at least one of the mazes should feel like Halloween. I mean, what other maze has you walk through the cavernous innards of a giant rotting pumpkin, pushing stringy bits and dangling seeds out of the way as jack-o’-lantern-faced horrors lie in wait? Very, very good.

5. Wax Works

One of the two new mazes making its debut this year, Wax Works sends you through a burned-out wax museum where its curator, Dr. Augustus Scratch, has been very busy trying to perfect his wax creations with a little help from the hapless people who enter. Looks like the doctor’s pieces are truer to life than anticipated, since they’re keen on helping him make his masterpiece.

The one of the new mazes for 2019, I was presently surprised with how detailed Wax Works was considering. I’m not sure what I expected, but the execution made it clear to me that this was not just an homage to Vincent Price’s House of Wax. It’s visually impressive, from the facade to the interactive museum displays (there’s buttons you can press in the maze that bring up pre-recorded messages about what you’re seeing - a nice touch, if you’re not too worried about a waxen thing getting all up in your grille), the room with the bees and the inner wax works themselves with the giant cauldrons. It’s grown on me very quickly and I look forward to seeing what little tweaks happen here and there as it settles into its new mold.

4. Paranormal Inc.

Drawing inspiration from those hokey Ghost Hunters-esque reality shows, this maze puts you in the abandoned Hayden Hill Sanitarium for a live taping of Paranormal Inc. An elaborate and impressive preshow sees all Hell literally break loose as the team disturb the spirits of the asylum, forcing you to flee through the dilapidated halls as angry ghosts and demons make their presence known.

As a complete self-contained narrative, Paranormal Inc. is a real feat of haunt storytelling, using its setting, preshow and cues throughout the attraction to help tell the story cleanly and concisely all while managing to pack in branching paths, taking you through different parts of the asylum before meeting up again. It also has a fantastic intense energy to it, making it feel like the finale of a supernatural thriller ala the remake of House on Haunted Hill where the evil is there, present and furious. Furthermore, it has some of the most creative scares of the mazes and an absolutely phenomenal ending that I won’t spoil here (at least, not this year).

3. The Depths

The Night’s Watch mining operation might have dug too deep in the sea caves, because they’ve opened a path to an ancient, aquatic world no surface-dwelling being was meant to know. Eldritch abominations from the darkest oceans lurk here in the meandering tunnels, an ancient temple where you wade through waist-deep “water” (an impressive effect of lasers and fog) and a long-forgotten pirate ship wrapped in the arms of a gigantic octopus.

This maze has been in my Top Three since its debut and has not been shaken yet. Fans of Cthulhu mythos and nautical horror are going to get a kick out of this maze, and seeing as I very much enjoy both, this is a double-win. It’s worth it alone just for the absolutely gorgeous set design, with enough varied rooms and chambers to keep one guessing what sea-based horror they’ll meet next while keeping the path consistent. The aforementioned octopus and swaying shipwreck are major highlights in themselves. I’ll dive back in anytime I can.

2. Dark Ride

The centerpiece of the Boardwalk (and CarnEvil) is the Castle of Chaos dark ride, long abandoned and non-functional. That hasn’t stopped a group of enterprising carnies from setting up shop inside to enact their depraved antics, and they’ve opened the place up so you can walk along its track and through its backstage areas to see what nightmares they’ve cooked up.

Holy Hell do I love this concept. I’m the guy that always hopes that the Haunted Mansion will break down so I have a chance to walk through the ride, and Dark Ride plays that sort of morbid curiosity up, with a healthy bit of evil clowns and circus horror thrown in to keep you on your toes. What impresses me most is how easy it is to suspend disbelief that this isn’t just a temporary seasonal thing, but that you are walking through a real (albeit cheesy) dark ride that’s on the fritz. On top of that, the finale room looks like a total joy to play in if you’re one of the scareactors, as they seem to be able to leap, slide and clamber all over the place thanks to some well-placed ramps and scaffolds. I hope Dark Ride hangs in there as long as possible.

1. Origins: The Curse of Calico

Years ago, Sarah Marshall was dragged to the gallows by the citizens of Calico on suspicion of being a witch. In retaliation, before she cheated death she laid a curse on the town, transforming the townsfolk into beasts and cadavers. This is the story that’s been told for Ghost Town as a scare zone in the past, but this year Origins aims to reveal the whole story and put its visitors in the role of a posses looking for the Green Witch as she sows her wicked magic throughout the damned town.

The other new maze of 2019, and easily the one I was the most excited about, Origins delivers on so many levels it’s not even funny. From the queue line you’re immersed, meeting various non-transformed citizens who help lay out the story and encourage you to help them find the witch, and then on into the maze that I cannot believe they worked into its space in the Wilderness Dance Hall - one scene that has you walking along a dusty covered porch while rain hammers a tin roof above you and drips visibly off into the street, across which stands a saloon where a one-sided gunfight is taking place. It boggles the mind! Not to mention the huge love letter this maze is not only to Ghost Town, but to Scary Farm history as a whole; I mean, you walk through a loose replica of the long-gone Haunted Shack at one point, and there’s a very surprising place for the Catawampus in here.

But really, the care and focus given to the overall unified theme of this maze and Ghost Town is what endears it to me. Knott’s has never shied away from embracing its heritage, and I really enjoy that there seems to be more and more of this mythos-building every year. I hope this trend continues, because Origins is an absolute flavor win and a delight on all fronts, from design to scares. Easily my new favorite.

The Shows

I tend to prioritize the mazes and zones, but Knott’s as a whole does seasonal live entertainment very well, and Scary Farm is no exception. Their shows tend to have a wackier bent with crude comedy at the heart, so if that’s your thing than you have a couple of places to sit back and cool your heels, maybe get a couple laughs in.

I’m generally not a huge fan of The Hanging, which annually lampoons the events and pop culture of the last year before sentencing the worst offender to the noose, but I can appreciate the effort that goes into it from a performance standpoint, as there’s a lot of stunts and a ton of burst blood packets that go into it. I think I enjoyed it more this year than I have in the past, but that’s not saying much as I don’t get much out of a show that dates itself very quickly. I usually skip this. More power to you if you enjoy it, just not my cup of tea.

New this year is Puppet Up: Uncensored at the Charles M. Schultz theater. I think the improv aspect keeps the show fresh with repeat viewings, and seeing improv done with puppets is something else entirely, showcasing the skill of the puppeteers. Again, the show can get pretty raunchy (it’s called “Uncensored” for a reason), but overall I laughed more than I groaned, so that’s a start. I’d say this is worth a visit if you want to sit down for a bit and see something fun and unique.

Conjuring over at the Birdcage Theater is dependent on who’s performing on a given night. Since it’s a magic show, you’ll want to check the schedule and see which magician has an act at what time. The variety is cool, but I stress once more that your mileage may vary.

Final Thoughts

My first and still favorite haunt, it’s hard to top Knott’s. They continue to innovate and explore each year, bringing in some new things while improving what’s already been established. It’s really no wonder, since they have a reputation as the birthplace of modern haunts and are quickly approaching their 50-year anniversary. The scare talent is the longstanding strength of Knott’s, both in the mazes and in the zones, and they deserve all the respect in the world for the grueling work they do night-in, night-out. But I also want to stress that the design of the mazes is getting to the point where I feel they can rival and even surpass Universal’s Halloween Horror Nights in some places with the quality. So far Knott’s has been the only event I’ve attended more than two nights in a season, with the season pass offer being well worth picking up if you can get it.

I’ve still got a couple more places to visit and the bar has been set fairly high, but more haunts are a good thing, no matter what their budget. Thank you for reading my fairly robust take on Scary Farm (I promise not to ramble this much about it next time), I hope you enjoyed it, and I’ll see you in the fog.

Knott’s Scary Farm runs Thursday to Sunday nights throughout October and the first two days of November. More details and tickets can be found here.

The Fog Report - Queen Mary's Dark Harbor 2019

September 29, 2019 in haunts

Welcome to the first proper edition of the Fog Report, intrepid readers! For this journey into the artificial mists, I’m starting with a little hometown pride. Smell that brine in the air? That’s our next destination.

While I may not live there anymore, I am a native of Long Beach, CA and still dwell in close proximity. Not only is it one of the biggest ports in the United States, but also home to a decent bit of preserved history. Plenty of buildings found downtown still carry their Art Deco trappings, and historic sites abound.

Yet one of the most significant storied places in Long Beach is not even from the city originally. Permadocked in Long Beach Harbor, the Queen Mary is a former ocean liner, launched in 1934 as a luxurious passenger ship, turned into a troop transport during World War II, and back to its original purpose for another two decades before retiring in 1967 to Long Beach; today it is a floating hotel, museum and tourist attraction you just know carries numerous ghosts.

And it does. It’s been called one of the most haunted places in America, with documented spirit sightings and unusual phenomena reported regularly. The stories behind the haunting are what inspired Dark Harbor, the ship’s seasonal Halloween offering. Now in its 10th year, the event plays on the myths and legends of the ship in order to create a cohesive, underlying theme, utilizing the Queen Mary both figuratively and physically to create the thrills and chills. This is easily the biggest strength of Dark Harbor, which doesn’t shy away from its source material and has created many of its own iconic characters loosely based on genuine history and possibly-genuine phantoms that call the vessel home.

This year I was invited out to be a part of the media gathering for opening night, and am glad to say right away that the last ten years have been good to Dark Harbor, which has improved and changed in its run to become a proper SoCal haunt icon in its own right. So, what does it have to offer?

The Event

Dark Harbor takes place chiefly on the grounds the Queen Mary is docked beside, where a sinister carnival has set up. Passage onto the ship itself is mainly through three of its six mazes, while the rest of the time between is spent in the pseudo-fairground outside. You’ll find your general concession stands, the occasional outdoor bar and a series of rentable cabanas for relaxing in while you watch things go by. There’s live shows and performances throughout the night - anything from fire-eaters to acrobats to aerialists - and the option to ride the Sinister Swings, a ride relocated to Dark Harbor from Michael Jackson’s Neverland Ranch. Also offered is the 4-D Panic Experience which I was unable to take part in but have heard promising things about.

There’s a definite party atmosphere to most of the event, and one that for me is hit-or-miss. Your mileage may vary, but I personally am not a big fan of the kind of modern fair mood that comes with some of the spectacle here. The loud pop music that blares sometimes from various corners is the most egregious and irritating thing, detracting from the sense that this is some wicked cavalcade. There are plenty of spooky props scattered around, and the roaming monsters - most of which seem to be demented carnies - are out doing grade-A work keeping folks on their toes. All of that is fine and makes sense with the theme established; I just wish there was a slightly more committed approach to making it feel like a dark carnival rather than a “Woo! Party!!” place. Maybe that’s just me being a stickler for ambiance.

That said, I’ll never begrudge the more tongue-in-cheek aspects of the event, especially when it comes to the interactions with the ghouls and creatures stalking the area. They all seem to be having a good time, and that makes me happy. The midway is also a place to bump into many of the event’s icons, including the Captain, the Ringmaster and (my personal favorite) Graceful Gale. They’re surprisingly approachable for a group of undead, and are not shy about joking around with guests or posing for pictures. For me, interaction trumps most things, and all of these characters all stay so delightfully in-character; Hell, the talent at Dark Harbor as a whole is phenomenal, and I want to commend the scareactors for killing it that night.

Oh, and before I forget: one of the fun aspects of Dark Harbor has been the concept of the “secret bar.” Hidden in the various mazes of Dark Harbor are four themed bars that require knowing where they are and/or getting an access token, usually from one of the monsters. This is double-edged only in that, in the latter case, people will often come up to various monsters and just demand tokens, when the expectation is really to play with them and earn a token through interaction: last year, for example, I was given a token by a clown called Puddles without me even knowing that was a thing, just because she was fun and I played along with her antics. I’m not sure how it’s done this year, but to anyone who is going on a bar quest, please remember to be considerate to the ghouls, okay?

I did manage to find the new Fathom 6 Bar almost by accident, which is the newest venue. It’s worth finding just so you can say you stood in the very belly of the ship, where the decay and corrosion are real and very ominous. But I’m not gonna tell you where it is… You’ll have to discover it yourself! It’s not about the destination, etc, etc.

The Mazes

The real draw of Dark Harbor is naturally the six haunted mazes. If I gripe a little about the lack of immersion during the main event, then know that it’s well made up for here. Using the ship’s rich history as a backdrop, each makes creative use of its location and setting - especially the three that wind their way through the dark interior of the Queen Mary herself. The corridors and stairwells, metal walls and portholes, and even the occasional section that puts you through the inner-workings of the liner, among the now-silent engines and machinery, goes a long way toward showcasing how unique the experience is. This was a real ship, and it lends credence to the scareactors hiding in the shadows. Furthermore, each maze has a definitive storyline and character tied to it, a concept I love in any themed attraction with its own IP.

I’ll break down each maze here, from my least to my most favorite. This is strictly my personal preference, as I am glad to say there wasn’t a dud in the bunch. I’ll similarly try to avoid putting in too many spoilers, but it bears mentioning a few of the highlights in each maze for me.

6. Rogue

The newest maze at Dark Harbor, Rogue makes its debut this year having taken over the old footprint (and many of the old setpieces) of DeadRise. This makes some sense because both mazes - represented by the Captain - are based on lore from the time when the Queen Mary was a troopship. The story behind this one is that you are re-experiencing a fateful night in 1942 when the ship was nearly capsized by a rogue wave. While the ship ultimately survived, the Captain did not, and this maze is a ghastly echo of the last moments of his life - possibly warped to show what would have happened if the ship did go belly-up ala The Poseidon Adventure.

I think this one will grow on me as time goes on. There’s some neat beats in Rogue, from a scene where the living Captain tries to steer the ship through a projected stormy sea to a recreation of a Queen Mary lobby room that is upside-down. I think the reason this is so low on this list is because the theme is inherently kind of hard to pull off. The scares mainly come from the shouting of ghostly soldiers, constantly ordering you to keep moving, take cover, get below, etc. There’s a manic energy to the maze which I’m not necessarily a fan of, but again, it’s not like the maze doesn’t work. I look forward to seeing future iterations of this in the coming seasons, if it sticks around.

5. Circus

At the heart of the midway is the Ringmaster’s circus tent, where her nightmarish misfits, freaks and oddballs wait for you in a disturbing funhouse. This one is the closest to actually being a maze, sending you through a hall of mirrors and along branching paths, through a spinning tunnel and even a ball pit. Come to think of it, there’s balls everywhere in this maze, though I think that’s mainly from guests dislodging them from the pit (intentionally or not) and scattering them through.

While the Circus and its Ringmaster don’t necessarily have ties to the ship’s history, they’ve been a part of Dark Harbor long enough that they’re established lore for the event, and at this point it would be stranger if both weren’t present. This is probably my favorite iteration of the maze so far, as in past years it was usually at the bottom of my list. It succeeds in embracing the disorienting quality of funhouse gags, and the carnies inhabiting do a great job both hitting on the scares and camping it up.

(And if you meet the bearded lady, feel free to say hi. She’s an old friend of Midnight Marinara’s.)

4. Feast

As tired as it might seem for some people - myself included - cannibalism can still be a good theme for a maze if done correctly. Here the dark and fetid kitchens of the ship are ruled by Chef, the ghost of a vicious cook who was thrown into his own oven after it was revealed he’d been poisoning passengers and serving their remains in his dishes. Entering through the Queen Mary’s distribution center, you soon find yourself surrounded by Chef’s loyal undead staff and the bodies of those who made the cut for the menu.

There’s a lot of up and down in this one, so prepare for some exercise. It’s also very claustrophobic and warm in the tight corridors, which kind of naturally lends to the Grindhouse atmosphere with all the bloody bits. This year they managed to rework the maze’s footprint so that you’ll eventually end up down the boiler room and pass through Hatch 13, a watertight door that crushed a man to death in 1966. It’s considered one of the more active haunted spots on the vessel, and the reworking allows for another icon, Half-Hatch Henry, to be a part of this maze, right at the source that inspired his character. Overall, Feast continues to improve as an experience, though I do miss Soulmate, the maze that once occupied Feast’s area and was the home of Graceful Gale and her machinations.

3. B340

Named after the Queen Mary’s most haunted cabin, B340 tells the (totally fictional) story of Samuel the Savage, a demented passenger who went on a murderous rampage during a voyage and was locked in B340 until they could make port. Somewhere in the interim though, Samuel vanished, leaving nothing but a bloody mess in the room he’d been sealed in. As the maze progresses, you follow a detective’s doomed trail and discover what drove Samuel to commit his crimes.

There’s been a lot of variations of this maze over the years, and I feel it maintains the same level of creepiness and intensity throughout. More visceral than haunting, it has a surreal tone with moments where it seems like you’re seeing twisted visions of Samuel’s past and the various grotesque demons that haunted him. This one is chock full of cool moments and creative scares, my favorite being a walk across a catwalk over a very real drop into a darkened boiler room, where it feels like the bridge is collapsing underneath you.

2. Lullaby

Scary Mary lurks here, based loosely on the sightings of ghosts near the first-class pool. Mary is said to have drowned in the pool in 1952, and her lonesome spirit lingers on in death, looking for new playmates. This year, the story seems to center on a wannabe paranormal investigator having conjured Mary back from beyond. You’ll venture toward the pool where she drowned, encountering her and her victims along the way.

Lullaby is a much quieter, more subtle maze with superb gloomy atmosphere. What parts aren’t dark are lit in watery blues and greens, and scares come from unexpected places. Gone is the overarching theme of toys and games, and instead there’s more emphasis on the buildup and the horror; weird as this might sound for a maze, it has great pacing. While you don’t actually go to the pool like you did in previous years, I’ll just say Lullaby finds a new and interesting way to get the pool theme across at its finale.

1. Intrepid

The most effective of the off-ship mazes, Intrepid makes excellent use of the preexisting port village area near the entrance to Dark Harbor, using both its exterior and interior. The story centers on the Iron Master, the immortal and damned architect who designed the Queen Mary and was bound to an iron Hell after making a deal with a sea witch to preserve the ship’s legacy. Your journey begins on a ghost train and carries you to Edinburgh, Scotland, where a funeral procession, a foggy swamp and plague-filled catacombs await.

This has been my favorite maze since it got reworked last year, and it remains the most entertaining and genuinely spooky of the haunts for me due to its varied locations and great use of atmosphere. The production value of this maze is high, considering it doesn’t have the foreboding interiors of the ship to work with, and I think it translates well as a supernatural journey through the Iron Master’s tale, ending with him appearing in all his macabre glory. This one is well worth a visit.

Also, any maze that has plague doctors in it is going be a high pick on my list. Call me biased, but plague doctors are always cool.

Tips for the Event

If you’re planning on going to Dark Harbor, here’s a few kernels of wisdom from someone that has attended this event a few times and still only kinda knows what they’re doing. Take them as you will.

The biggest complaint I hear about Dark Harbor every year is the parking situation, which is known to cause traffic backups approaching the venue. What I’ve personally done to avoid this is park downtown, generally near the Aquarium of the Pacific/Shoreline Village, and make use of the Passport bus to get to the Queen Mary. These buses are free, and from the area I mentioned it only takes maybe 10 minutes to make the trip. They also run until 1 AM, so you can stay for the bulk of the night before heading back.
Hit the mazes on the ship first, as they tend to fill up quickly for general admission. There is a slight upcharge for Fast Fright which is definitely worth it if you go on a weekend, but during a weeknight or Sunday crowds don’t get too bad and you should be able to hit all the mazes if you plan accordingly. Of the outdoor mazes, Circus tends to back up, so save it until later in the evening or hit it right away.
Less of a tip and more of a rule: remember to be polite and respectful to the crew and the monsters. The number of stories I’ve heard about rude and belligerent guests harassing the Dark Harbor staff is way higher than it should be. I shouldn’t have to spell it out, but it bears repeating.

Final Thoughts

Dark Harbor has come a long way in 10 years, and its fascinating to see how much it enhances itself every year. It’s quickly become something I look forward to each Halloween season, and for me ranks among the best that SoCal has to offer. Nothing quite tops the way Dark Harbor utilizes its “ghost ship” location for maximum impact, and the talent behind-the-scenes should be commended for the work they’ve done making the mazes tie in with the ship’s myriad tales. The actors always impress, from the icon characters to the street monsters, maze lurkers and performers during the shows, and I hope they continue to be given room to play in this haunted space. All in all, it’s well worth a sojourn if you happen to be in the area around this time of year.

Thank you for joining me on the start of my Halloween odyssey. Have fun, stay safe, and I’ll see you in the fog.

Dark Harbor runs for 23 nights from September 26th through November 2nd. Tickets can be found here. Special thanks to to Dark Harbor and Victori Solutions for inviting me to the media event.

The Fog Report - Blowing the Foghorn (Introduction)

September 26, 2019 in haunts

Good evening, intrepid readers, and welcome to the land of perpetual fog that is Southern California in October. For those of you just stumbling in, I’m David, the erstwhile creator of Midnight Marinara and Undercooked Analysis. And before anyone asks me some meteorological questions, I should explain that these foggy conditions are artificial: multitudes of machines blowing odd-smelling, musty mists from the dark corners of numerous haunted attractions, which rise up like so many restless phantoms every Halloween season. If there’s one thing you can count on at a haunt, it’s this fog.

I admittedly haven’t been going to haunts as long as others - my icebreaker was being coaxed into Knott’s Scary Farm in 2013 and never looking back - but as someone who loves horror, themed entertainment and creative storytelling, I feel like I can offer my perspective on what I experience every season. SoCal has a pretty unique scene when it comes to these kind of events - mainly that there’s so many in such a close proximity! I actually talked about what I saw last year on an episode of The Witching Hour, and have been wanting to revisit some of the ideas I brought up in there with greater emphasis, To that end, The Fog Report will be a series of posts about my Halloween odyssey, breaking down what each event has to offer, what I like, what I don’t like, and how scares and themes are brought across.

This is just an introduction, of course, but you can expect several of these going forward this year, and more where that came from in the future (provided I survive ‘til the next season). I can tell you right now I’ve already paid a visit to Knott’s Scary Farm with every intention of going back for more, and will be dropping anchor at Queen Mary’s Dark Harbor in a matter of hours from this post going live. I’m already stoked that I can start getting my spooky immersive fixes in before October has even hit, and am happy to be your ghastly lighthouse keeper in this perpetually opaque haze; hopefully I can offer some insight and entertainment along the way.