Allen Chaney
A finale so weird, it had to be done twice! Well, sort of. Abysmii, Allen and David manage to patch together two different recording sessions to put a bow on this finale, where Doctor Satan gets egg on his face, Ascott realizes he doesn’t own a gun, and Bostiff gets an unceremonious sendoff.
Story by Paul Ernst, first published in Weird Tales, May 1936.
The penultimate Doctor Satan story dials things way back after the last entry, leaving David, Allen and Abysmii to wonder again about the logical continuity of the series. Ascott Keane is somehow wowed by Doctor Satan’s ability to hypnotize people, an ability he himself possesses and uses to track his foe; meanwhile, Frank Exposition goes to a kissing party with a 10-cent book.
Story by Paul Ernst, first published in Weird Tales, May 1936.
Part 4 of Poe Standards takes people-watching to complicated and needless extremes as Allen and David witness a protagonist who has nothing better to do than spend an entire night pursuing an odd-looking stranger throughout London, legitimately for no real reason.
Story by Edgar Allen Poe, first published in 1845. Read along here.
Part 3 of Poe Standards has an upset: some things in the tier list got moved around, and now there’s an additional story for Allen and David to read! Poe tries his hand at writing a more esoteric fable, and our hosts try to discern what in the world is going on in this narrative of demon headpats, a man on a rock and hippopotami.
Story by Edgar Allen Poe, first published in 1838. Read along here.
Part 2 sees a strangely philosophical side of Paul’s storytelling as Ascott Keane pursues his nemesis into the land of the dead, meets his deceased father, and battles Doctor Satan in a sphere of damned souls. But has the continuity been restored? Does Girse show up? And who exactly is the “dictator of Texas?” David, Allen and Abysmii aim to find out!
Story by Paul Ernst, first published in Weird Tales, March 1936.
David, Allen and Abysmii hesitantly return to the tales of Paul Ernst after being left chilled by the previous entry. Thankfully, it seems Doctor Satan is up to his old tricks of weird crime, with a plan involving speaking to the dead via a peculiar “antidote.” Will Ascott Keane have to follow suit? Why is he keeping a tiny corpse in his pocket? And is the new best character one that the hosts create almost by accident?
Story by Paul Ernst, first published in Weird Tales, March 1936.
Part 2 of Poe Standards - the newest UCA segment that might only last 4 episodes - sees Allen and David reading what begins as an essay but continues into a cautionary tale about intrusive thoughts, self-destructive tendencies, and murdering people with candles.
Story by Edgar Allen Poe, first published in 1845. Read along here.
Horror as a whole owes a lot to Poe, but as proven time and again, even masters of the craft have their apparent duds. Allen submits to David the first of four F-Tier Poe narratives (based on some rando’s opinion), which apparently contains an allegory as two drunken sailors have a completely bewildering encounter in a plague-quarantined part of London.
Story by Edgar Allen Poe, first published in 1835. Read along here.
David, Allen and Abysmii invite special guest Brad to an initiation: a fresh pair of eyes on the some of shortstory1’s most recent work. Will a new perspective bring new insights into these unusual stories?
Read along with us:
1. “I clean up crime scenes while naked”
2. “The special toilet paper”
3. “My intelligence and emotional intelligence will now be off balanced”
4. “All men must wear a burqa”
5. “To move to the next day we must all do something disgusting”
Just when David, Allen and Abysmii were getting comfortable with this series, Paul throws a curve ball of seeming incompetence when the story forgets a certain character died in a prior chapter; meanwhile Ascott and Beatrice play dress-up to survive, and the main showdown turns into a anti-climactic Pokemon battle.
Story by Paul Ernst, first published in Weird Tales, January 1936.
With a new year of mounting dread upon most everyone’s heads, David, Allen and Abysmii decide to ease into it with the ever-comforting Luciferian antics of Doctor Satan. This time, he’s getting into the insurance business is a fittingly weird way, and is once again using fire as the catalyst for his plot. How many fat businessmen will Ascott Keane sacrifice in the pursuit of his greatest foe? How many people will be added to the Faint Counter? And how in the world is Doctor Satan still unknown to the elite class that he’s targeting?
Story by Paul Ernst, first published in Weird Tales, January 1936.
That absolute madman Allen Chaney has David and Kaela with him to be witness to a daring stunt that is sure to freak minds. Will he survive?
“this story could kill allen” (aka, “The leak from the upstairs flat”) was submitted by Julia Grane
After paying their respects to our runners-up with some brief thoughts and analysis, David, Allen and Abysmii reveal the campy, colorful and comical 1st-place winner of our New Pulp Writing Challenge. A sincere parody of the genre’s most over-the-top material, we (re)join Cannon Washington as he stoically challenges the Uber-Kremlin’s dastardly schemes in: Justice for All! Part 17: Man Waits for No Time.
Story submitted by Daniel Scamell.
The 2nd-place winner of the New Pulp Writing Challenge is another cosmic nightmare, but this time witnessed through the disjointed epistolary of a mad(?) professor. David, Allen and Abysmii try to put the pieces together and revel in the elegent use of ambiguity in the unknown.
Story submitted by ClericofMadness.
Check out The Fog Report of Queen Mary’s Dark Harbor here.
After some careful consideration, David, Allen and Abysmii begin the process of revealing and discussing the winners of our New Pulp Writing Challenge. And this 3rd-place entry is an eldritch nightmare that evokes an alien city and an exacerbated game of cat-and-mouse with the story’s namesake fiendish entity. But what does this creature want with our protagonist? And why does this story bring up a tangent about Animorphs? (Spoilers: because the hosts are dumb)
Story submitted by A. S. Evans.
Atomic scrambling has left Abysmii a living skeleton, so David, Kaela and Allen will have to finish their analysis of Doctor Satan’s current cruel scheme. With Ascott Keane closing in, will the diabolical villain be able to follow through with his plan? Or will the power of his mysterious ray see both of them cut down to size (pun intended)?
Story by Paul Ernst, first published in Weird Tales, October 1935.
Have David and Allen been hoodwinked? Is this a sign of a narrative trend? A mysterious writer submits five very short stories that bear the uncanny hallmarks of shortstory1 and Rorshack Rorshan, and leaves them scratching their heads as they try to figure out what is going on.
All stories submitted by Julia Grane.
Doctor Satan brings his weird crimes to Tinseltown, much to David, Allen and Abysmii's mirth. Can it be that, despite the horror it evokes, this latest scheme to pry cash from wealthy studio moguls doesn't involve direct murder? And how much good has the birdlike Ascott Keane actually done when he has consistently failed to stop his nemesis? No bones about it, this might be the goofiest entry in the series so far!
Story by Paul Ernst, first published in Weird Tales, October 1935.
David and Matt are in for a shock as they join Kaela, Allen and Abysmii for the explosive finale of the second Doctor Satan tale. As Ascott Keane learns the truth of his adversary’s latest scheme, prepare to be jolted by the reveal of Bostiff’s backstory, a staggering amount of innuendo, and the electric clock’s purpose becoming the dumbest plot point Paul Ernst has conceived so far.
Story by Paul Ernst, first published in Weird Tales, September 1935.
Be sure to check out our New Pulp Revival Writing Challenge here!
The actual second story in the Doctor Satan series is unveiled as Kaela, Allen and Abysmii clue in to the newest scheme of the world’s weirdest criminal. Ascott Keane disguises himself as a tree to film people, a man’s last words have something to do with shaving, and an electric clock (or lack thereof) is somehow a giveaway for Doctor Satan’s dastardly plot. Will Keane ever get over himself enough to have another round with his equally-extra rival?
Story by Paul Ernst, first published in Weird Tales, September 1935.
